How to Raise a
Self-Confident Child
We
all want responsible, caring, healthy, happy children. Add any
number of positive adjectives to the list, and we want it for our
kids. The job of raising highly conscious children is not always an
easy one. Here are some ways in which your family can progress in
the area of consciousness-raising.
Responsibility
It starts with the small things. Finding age-appropriate tasks your
child can do will add to his sense of responsibility to pull his
weight in the family unit. A two-year-old can generally put away his
own plate once he has finished a meal. A one-year-old cannot.
A five-year-old can pick up his toys before bedtime and put his
pajamas away in the morning. Make these simple tasks routine for
your children. If you do, they won’t think twice when you ask them
to take out the trash when they are older.
Compassion
You don’t have to be Buddha to teach your child compassion. While
your oldest child may not feel much compassion for his younger
brother who breaks his block towers or favorite toys, you might want
to start out with animals as an example.
Getting a household pet is one way to teach your child about
responsibility and compassion. You might not be ready for that
commitment, so here are some other ways to achieve the same thing.
If you see a ladybug, have your child hold it and talk about respect
for all living things. Encourage your child to make a nest for the
ladybug and to care for it. My children started a snail farm for a
time. After they were finished with the activity, they carefully
placed the snails back into the grass. Through this exercise, they
learned snails live in a different environment than they do, but
they could still “convene” with them for a short time.
If your child treats another unfairly, ask him or her how it might
feel to be treated that way, too. A simple sentence such as “How
would that make you feel?” can go a long way in teaching your child
about respecting others.
Decision-Making
Put your children in situations where they can decide which way
things will go. Giving two-year-olds choices, for instance, has
several benefits. First, you are avoiding a tantrum by allowing them
to decide between carrot sticks or an apple for their snack. Second,
you are guiding them to make wise choices by offering them healthy
alternatives.
As your child grows, expand the areas of choice. To avoid
unnecessary battles at bedtime, for instance, ask your child if he
or she wants to brush teeth now or in five minutes. Either way, the
goal of brushing teeth is clear.
Set Boundaries
Building a strong decision-maker does not mean being permissive.
Allowing your toddler to eat chocolate every day for breakfast may
not be the right choice. Setting boundaries and allowing them
freedom within those boundaries will aide their self-esteem and
sense of security. Children like to know what to expect. Boundaries
are the guidelines by which they can live.
As with the example above, asking the child whether he or she wants
to brush teeth immediately or after the timer goes off offers choice
within a specified boundary. It reduces the amount of balking your
child does and takes the pressure off your shoulders, too.
Ask Questions
Asking your child questions about the choices they make (and then
listening to the answers) gets them to think critically about their
own behavior. While their standard answer might be “I don’t know,”
it will give them cause to assess what just happened. Trying to
slice her younger brother with a pair of scissors may have been my
daughter’s impulsive reaction to her pesky three-year-old sibling.
Asking her why she chose to do it allowed her to think about her
actions, even after the fact.
Goal-Setting
Birthdays are great mile markers for your children to take on a bit
more responsibility. Sit down with the birthday boy or girl and ask
him or her questions about what they would like to do this year.
Have your child write down some goals such as learning to swim, ride
a bike, or to drive. Make a list of family goals you might share.
Developing such skills early on will help your child gain the
confidence he or she needs for the future. At the same time, you
will gain the satisfaction that you have laid the essential
groundwork for years to come.
Author Bio:
Christine Louise Hohlbaum, American author of Diary of a Mother
(2003), SAHM I Am: Tales of a Stay-at-Home Mom in Europe
(2005), lives near Munich, Germany, with her family. Subscribe to
her weekly newsletter for empowered parents at:
www.diaryofamother.com.
